Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery, just for laughs.

In the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a "tap-tap-tapping" noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"The stupid fools!" grumbled the old man.  "They spelled my name wrong!"

ACTUAL LABEL INSTRUCTIONS FOUND ON CONSUMER GOODS!

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." 

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." 

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." 

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." 

Printed on the bottom of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: "Do not turn upside  down."   

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

Don’cha love - Refrigerator manufacturer that had it’s assets frozen.

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. -- Anonymous!

Q: How many Country/Western singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five - One to take out the old one and four to sing about how much they are going to miss it!